Prodigal: I found Happy in this box.

Me: That is ok, because He loves this box and can leave at anytime.

Prodigal: As long as He knows, He has freedom.

A box. I have been forced in one. I am not talking about the cardboard boxes that have a thousand of different uses. I am talking about an emotional and social box.

A question was given to me. It was how had I suffered. I really had to think. I didn’t have to think because, I had not suffered. I had to think because of what all the suffering meant.

Several examples went through my mind, and I settled on a deep suffering that had happened. One that I knew had a purpose behind it.

My box was established by a group of people. It was simple, you get into the box and that is the answer. The idea was that you would be a part of them by being in the box. The idea was that being a part of them, meant you were the best, you were loved and that you had support.

I joined the box. I then began to realize that the box had many rules. I had to change. I had to follow all the rules so that I could be just like them. The number one rule though was that I could not be myself, that was the worse rule to break. Yourself was not good enough. Yourself could never be accepted. Yourself had to be the rules.

I looked at some of the rules and they made sense, so I tried to be those rules. Then an interesting thing happened, more rules were added when I met the rules they had listed. So I learned that even when I worked really, really hard and completed the rules, then it was not enough. I was not enough.

I looked around and noticed some people had so many rules more than me and spent all day just working on the rules. They had no time and were completely exhausted and they still were not enough.

I looked up. I found God. God looked down. God said “You are ENOUGH”. You are “LOVED”. You are “ACCEPTED”.

How amazing! I didn’t have to follow those lists and list of rules. God said I was enough and loved! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone that we did not have to exhaust ourselves with following and making more rules.

I began to speak and suddenly, the unexpected happened. They became very angry at me. I was told that God did not say that. God is about keeping the rules. We have to work, and I was reminded that I was not loved and accepted. How could I be loved and accepted. I had not completed all the rules. I was wrong! I did not know God.

I was confused. So I continued to look up, out of the box, toward God. The more I looked up, it allowed me to see that there was more than the box. I started to notice that the people in the box never looked up. There focused was always looking at the box toward the sides or down.

People started noticing that I was not looking down. I was not looking to the side. Something was wrong with me. I started thinking, looking up provides such a view, such warmth. Why do I want to look at the the walls and floor?

Then the aggression started. They could not have someone looking outside the box. The whole focus had to be the box and the rules.

I would look up to God, while tears of suffering rolled down my face. They hurt me. They caused me pain. They would not stop. And still looking to God was better than looking at the box to the floor or to the sides.

I was angry. I was depressed. I was devastated.

The rules did not help. The rules caused pain. The rules hurt.

I just continued to look up.

God began to show me how to forgive them.

I forgave.

God began to show me how they were blind.

I had compassion.

God began to show me how they needed prayer.

I prayed.

God showed me that they needed love.

I asked “How do I love?”

God said “The way I love.”

I denied my wants and needs and stood turning toward God and asked that they would be able to look up and see the Lord instead of down at their rules. I prayed that they would know GOD’s LOVE, GOD’s ACCEPTANCE and know that they are ENOUGH in GOD’s eyes.

I am not in the box anymore.

I continue to love to look up to God. He whispers to me “Look around”.

There are people everywhere in boxes and they are looking down with the burden of their rules.

I pray.

Lord, HELP them to look up! Lord HELP them see and know the truth.

John 8:32

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Jennifer Van Allen

www.theprodigalpig.com

www.faithincounseling.org