Me: The sun is shining on you!

Prodigal: It feels good.

I was on my back, and the water ebbed and flowed under me with a smoothness that was refreshing. The sun hit my face with shimmers of heat from its rays. I was on my own in the pool, and silence was all around me. It was the perfect setting to float on my back, and feel the weightlessness of my body.

In the still surrounding of tranquility, peace would have been the best way to describe the scene. That was not the case. The quieted pool only brought the loudness of my spirit to the surface.

Come to me child. We need to examine your heart. I could imagine God saying that. I knew that I would not receive any peace until I went to God. Why was I avoiding God? I had been repenting over the same issues for several days. I wanted to be in control and I was resenting God for not letting me have that control. I was aware, and I had repented, but I had not surrendered.

Why do we need to go to God to repent. He has already forgiven us. We know He will forgive us when we ask? Why do we still avoid it at times.

I had said I need forgiveness, but I was not ready to surrender my control. I only repented partial. I was not ready to give up all my control. Fear was setting in that I could not trust God with everything. How can I give up control, and think God will not fail me. I mean I have been let down by so many people who said they had my best interest at heart. God was going to let me down too.

This is why we go to the Lord again and again with repentance. Not so He can shame us with how many mistakes that we have made, but so He can show us the truth.

I thought I needed just repentance for resentment. The issues was so much larger when I went to God, and asked Him to examine my heart. The issue was that I was confusing Him with people. People who are not perfect. People who let sin lead them in decisions. God is not affected by sin. God is perfect. God knows me better than anyone else. God also loves me enough to send His son to die for me.

Going to God just allowed Him to show me more of the truth and to guide me. I was reminded me of who He really is and I can believe Him.

I was not able to stay long at the pool, but I left with a clean heart and the truths of who God is surrounding my spirit. I don’t claim to be able to hold on to these truths forever. I know there is an enemy who feeds me lies daily, and sometimes I forget the truths and focus on lies. When that happens again my friend, God will show up again. Instead of shame and condemnation, He will bask me with His love. With that love He will demonstrate that He forgot my past mistakes, my past failures and let me not forget how important I am to Him.

Psalm 103:3

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

Jennifer Van Allen

www.theprodigalpig.com

www.faithincounseling.org