Me: Sometimes we think that nobody sees what we do.

Prodigal: I feel like that sometimes.

Me: That is not true.

I was cold.  The old farmhouse had no central heat and there was a hole barely covered in the living room wall.  All I had was several space heaters in each room.  I was questioning what had I done.  It was Christmas.  I had agreed to give my mom a couple of days break from taking care of my grandmother.  A year earlier my grandmother had a stroke and was paralyzed on one side.  She could not be alone for more than a couple of hours.   

My mother was taking care of her with almost no support.  She had moved into my grandmother’s house full time.  She would drive an hour to visit my dad and back to her home as often as she could.  I knew it was all very draining on my mom and that she needed a break.   I informed her that I would give her a break and take care of my Grandmother as a Christmas present. 

That began two very long days.  I quickly realized that feeding, changing, cleaning up bowls movements and moving my grandmother was very hard work.  I also knew in my heart that I was not that good at being a caregiver.  It did not seem to be natural to me, like I have seen it with others. 

My full-time profession is a mental health therapist.  I know how to support others.  The support I give though is all verbal, mental and not anything physical.  I had never had to give in such a physical aspect.  I struggled.  I grew frustrated at times and had to walk away.  My grandmother would call me in the middle of the night, day, and afternoon.  I had the demands of another person completely dependent on me. 

It did not take but a couple of hours to realize how much my mother was going through and how hard caregiving is. 

The part that really got to me though, was the relationship my mother and grandmother had.  My mother had been a daddy’s girl and he had already passed away years before.  My grandmother had an addiction to alcohol and pills until she had the stroke.  When my grandmother was drunk or high, she would become mean.  She was mean to everyone.  She would take it out on whoever was around.   

This created strain in her relationships.  She seemed to be mean mostly to my mother.  My grandmother had two other children.  Her son had died from cirrhosis of the liver already years before.  Her other daughter refused to take care of her.  My mom really had little help. 

My mother did this with little complaint.  She just got up and did what she had to do, day after day.  What kind of person would give up their home to care for others, would give up comfort, give up time, and give up sleep?   

This was the definition of a real caregiver.  This was something that really is not seen that often.  I know that she is not the only one who is really doing an expectational job of caregiving.  I know some of you are doing that also. 

Why are you giving yourself so completely?  I think love is the answer. 

How about when it is hard and nobody thanks you?  How do you do that?  

Some of you are frustrated.  Some are fighting with relatives over care.  Some are never appreciated.  Some may be caring for someone who has been mean to you before or because of illness can be mean to you now.  Some are afraid of what life will be like when this is all over. 

Others are barely sleeping, or having time for friends.  The caregiving has created isolation for you and you also feel drained in your own health. 

I just want to say that…..  

Your Love is Noticed. 

Your long days are noticed. 

Your long nights are noticed. 

Your frustrations are noticed. 

Your fears are noticed. 

Your loneliness is noticed. 

Remember your Love is noticed. 

Maybe you wonder if it is worth it, but I am here to encourage you that even if no one else notices, I notice, and GOD notices. Thank you, caregivers.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for not giving up.  Thank you for making a difference in someone’s life.  Thank you for showing us how human beings should be with each other.  Thank you for showing love and not just saying it. 

Romans 6:3-4

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We are buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that , just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

Jennifer Van Allen

www.theprodigalpig.com

www.faithincounseling.org